Today we thought we would post a guest post on a topic we know some of your may be interested in. This is a guest editorial written by Emma Maye. Emma May enjoys delving into erotica novels, as well as providing romance and sex advice through blogging and freelancing.
Fifty Shades of Grey has had the ability to captivate us, entertain us, change our minds and even improve our sex lives. In the first few months that Fifty Shades of Grey hit the bookshelves, adult sex stores saw an immediate increase in sales, sex workshops doubled, tripled and even quadrupled in attendance and hardware stores everywhere sold out of rope and zip ties.
One single book series was able to help couples all over the world reinvent their sex lives, have those important questions about what they wanted in the bedroom and finally take charge and put their sexual needs first. It may have been a year since Fifty Shades made its initial splash, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still take it and use it to all of its advantages.
Have you revisited your sex life recently and made sure you were getting everything you wanted out of it? Have you been dying to inject a little Christian Grey into your bedroom? If so, use some of these tips to turn up the heat in your sheets this summer.
Introducing the idea of BDSM into your bedroom can be a little daunting, especially if your beau hasn’t dabbled in a little FSOG reading. To do so, you’ll want to approach the conversation carefully. Let your partner know that you’ve been reading the books and thought it would be fun to try to explore in a similar way. Explain why it appeals to you and why you want to try it. Let them know that what they do in the bedroom is enough and that this is just about exploring each other.
BDSM can be a little intimidating at first. I mean you saw how Ana reacted at first, so you’ll want to give your partner as much information up front as possible. Do your research, as BDSM learnings can go far beyond the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey. Spend some time educating yourself and coming up with resources that you can direct your partner to. You can even hand them a copy of Fifty Shades to get them started. Your partner may be surprised or feel like they are incapable of being the person that you want them to be in the bedroom. Just continue to give them reassurance, give them time to marinate on the whole idea and then progress slowly.
If your partner is receptive from the get go or eventually says, OK, you’ll want to come up with a list of limits, much like the contract Christian drafted up. It doesn’t have to be that fancy and formal though. Just come up with a list for both of you that says what’s ok, what your soft limits are and what your hard limits are. You’ll also want to come up with a safe word. A safe word will be the word that you can use when you’re in the heat of the moment and one of you is approaching a hard limit. Safe words are very important because they ensure that you both stay safe.
Once you’ve gotten the formalities out of the way, you’ll want to start slowly. Getting used to the roles and the loss of control can take awhile. Don’t just dive in head first with a whip and leather costume. Pick a night that you want to play, have a glass of wine or two to loosen it up (but don’t get drunk, you could end up hurt!) and then set out to lightly play with the idea of BDSM. Use household objects to restrict senses and movement, like scarves and ties as blindfolds and wrist ties and ice and wax to heighten senses. See how the two of you react. Are you both into it and getting turned on?
Continue to solidify the roles and heighten the levels of control/pain/submission–whatever aspect really turns you on!
Once you’ve figured out if it’s a sexual lifestyle you’re into, consider stepping it up a notch with some Fifty Shades inspired toys. Adam and Eve sex toys are perfect for this kind of play. You could get a under-the-bed restraint system that helps replicate the Red Room of Pain, a spreader bar that keeps your partner open and ready for play, a pair of ben wa balls to tempt and tease you, a leather whip to get whipped into shape with or even a simple silk blindfold to give your play a little bit of elegance. The possibilities are endless.
Remember to do your research, to keep an open mind, to be considerate of your partners feelings (this could be very surprising, alarming or enticing to them!), and to just keep trying. The first few times you give BDSM a try could be a little sloppy, but that doesn’t mean great things can’t come from it. Now get to playing.